In a world where instant gratification often reigns supreme, this is my story of how God kept me, as a virgin woman of 52-year-old until the day I married this past October 2023. My story serves as a refreshing reminder of how God works through us to accomplish something we do not have the ability to do on our own. This is also my testimony of how I made it to the finish line with my virginity intact and to let someone who may be struggling in this area know that they can make it too.
My journey is one marked by profound conviction and a steadfast belief in Gods plan for my life. From a young age, I made the decision to save myself for marriage, guided by this deep-rooted faith and a desire to honor God with my body and my heart.
As the years passed and societal pressures mounted, I found myself facing moments of doubt and uncertainty. I was not only dealing with societal pressures but pressures from within the church as well. People who moved forward in ministry were those who were married. Single people did not really get much fanfare for lack of a better word. They were assigned to be ushers, Sunday school teachers, etc. Do not get me wrong there was nothing wrong with these positions, but when it came to doing the fun stuff, except for bowling, there was really nothing set up for us singles to do. It felt as if the church catered to those who were married and forgot about singles. Although our names could be found when they needed an impromptu cleaning crew for cleaning the church or a babysitter so the couples could have a night out, that was it. This only heightened my desire to be married and increased my frustration because I was not.
I especially struggled with being single because I was abstaining from having sex but knew that some Christian singles were not. Christians men and women of the faith did not have that same conviction of abstaining from sexual gratification. As a result, I saw them running down the aisle trying to outrun an unplanned pregnancy or just plainly to keep from getting caught. But this also presented a problem for me. If I could not depend on Christian men to live a holy lifestyle before marriage, would a Christian man really want me, if they could not sample what they were getting?
Yet through it all I still felt compelled to remain committed to this journey that I was on. A journey that made me feel isolated and at times deeply depressed. I struggled to believe that I would ever get married. The fear of staying alone indefinitely weighed heavily on my heart, casting shadows of doubt and despair and it even caused me to become angry with God. Yet, in those moments of darkness, I still felt compelled to turned to God who was still with me even though I was mad with Him. Every day was a battle, as I grappled with the relentless onslaught of doubt and insecurity. Yet, through it all, I clung to my faith in His timing and His plan for her life.
It was during these moments of struggle that I experienced the transformative power of Gods love and grace even though it did not feel like it. At times I did not think my prayers got beyond the ceiling, but in our darkest hours God truly does carry us through. In my mind, prayer was not working. If God was hearing me how come he was not answering when I needed him to? Why did not he just give me my husband, why the long wait? The bible says in Psalms 34 that if we trusted in God, he would give us the desires of my heart. If that was the case, then why was it taking so long?
I am sure many of you have asked God the same questions as to why you are still single, why is this the plan that God has chosen for you and if possible, how can you barter your way out of it. LOL!!! Listen, I do not have all the answers for you but as we walk on this journey together and talk about some of my struggles that very well might parallel some of your own struggles. I hope you take comfort in knowing that God always has a plan for your life. God always has your best interest at heart even though you may feel as if your heart is being torn in two, trust and know that His plan will not fail you…so hold on.
So, let us dive into this thing called abstinence. Get some comfy clothes on and grab a good snack. Because I have much to share on this journey of being kept. I have walked through singleness as a teenager, then in my 20, 30, 40 on up into my 50’s. I get how difficult it is to navigate the ups and downs of walking out the abstinence lifestyle. So, I hope you stick with me as we walk out this journey called The Kept Life.
Until next time, grace and peace.
Dr. Vickie